It’s time to change the standard love story.
It’s hardly surprising that two single people whose paths have crossed repeatedly during their illustrious and controversial careers have decided to embark upon a relationship. (Photo: Lalit Modi/Instagram)
Malicious jokes passing off as irony have been flying around on WhatsApp since IPL founder Lalit Modi effusively declared himself a taken man in the arms of his love, India’s first Miss Universe, Sushmita Sen. In an image posted on Instagram, the smitten Modi, 58, is gazing adoringly into Sen’s eyes, after which a quote attributed to Robert Mugabe has been forwarded and chuckled over, thousands of times: “No girl will choose a six pack over six cars so stop going to the gym and get to work”. As a 46-year-old woman roughly the same age as Sen, I must concede there is some truth to this practical advice; at this stage of life, frankly, it would be pathetic to place a higher premium on physical attributes over companionship and yes, money.
It’s hardly surprising that two single people whose paths have crossed repeatedly during their illustrious and controversial careers have decided to embark upon a relationship. However, the level of discourse about this coupling reveals that as a society, our opinions remain hopelessly bound up in gendered stereotypes. Going by the salacious memes being shared, men believe Modi has scored by reeling in a famous beauty, feeding the age-old notion that if a man has money and power he can have the pick of the litter, lovers-wise. Women tend to view the Modi-Sen saga with an I-told-you-so eye roll, nodding sagely in approval at the wisdom of her choice — an older, besotted man guaranteed to shower her with Chanel and Dior.
Currently a fugitive based in London, Modi’s fortune is estimated to be over Rs 4,000 crore. It is important to note that Sen, though worth a comparatively meagre 100 crores or so, is entirely self-made — without the sword of an impending arrest hovering over her. It depends on one’s world view: To everyone making snarky comments about women trading up, I’d say she’s better off than her far-richer beau.
This prurient fascination for the Modi-Sen love story stems from the fact that all of humanity aspires to advance in wealth, power and fame but 95 per cent of us lack the skill set, looks, luck and background to change orbits. There’s no use denying it, the idea of big money is wildly seductive because it is destined to remain an unattainable dream. The world’s all-consuming obsession with wealth means we view anyone hitting the jackpot via a romantic liaison, as a cold-blooded opportunist. Indeed, we are a cynical generation. Ask anybody what they’re looking for in a partner, they’ll say honesty, to be understood, even, somebody to watch TV with. Ask them what they think others want and the tone immediately gets bitter. We tend to think our own motivations are honourable but presume the rest of humanity is finicky and superficial. Actually, everyone, rich or poor, wants exactly the same things out of romance — broadly, intimacy and good company.
That’s not to say that money and love aren’t critically intertwined for women; it’s only in the last 50 years that marriage has become about finding soulmates, or falling madly in love. From a historical perspective, marriage was the most important financial decision women could make since they lost out on inheritance to brothers and dowries were controlled by husbands. Matrimonial alliances to gain land, gold and influence have been a prominent feature of politics in ancient India. For most of our existence on earth, marriage has had nothing to do with love. Any evolutionary scientist will attest, carefully considering a man’s bank balance is a survival instinct. So, blame systemic misogyny for creating, over the course of time, the many fraught truths that continue to plague modern relationships.
Over 200 years ago, Jane Austen wrote, wryly, “A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of,” while a few decades back, Marilyn Monroe crooned, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend”. Yesterday, Sen shut down trolls by quipping, “I dig deeper than gold and I’ve always preferred diamonds!” Progress? Most certainly. For too long, romance has been represented in the media by perfect pairings like Ranbir Kapoor-Alia Bhatt that culminate in an idyllic, happily-ever-after. It’s time to change that narrative because love can come in many forms, nor do emotions just wither and dry up with age. Let us be happy for those brave enough to submit to the marvellously intoxicating feeling of infatuation, however fleeting it is.
The writer is director, Hutkay Films
Source-Indian Express