“The most beautiful discovery genuine friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”
Ravi Speaks:
Republished on 18.12.2022
True Friendship
I’ll tell you a true story about my maternal grandfather, who had a close friend since Srinagar’s early days of independence. The story begins in the late 1940s, with a wave of attacks on Kashmiris, particularly the region’s minority communities. When things had calmed down a bit following the widespread killing, my grandfather, who was working for the state Treasury, provided shelter to a Muzaffarabad-based Punjabi family in Srinagar. During that horrific time, that family was attempting to save their lives after nearly losing everything.
Slowly and steadily, that family started doing their business and their head of the family started taking up contracts of the Forests in J&K state and gradually settled down in Srinagar. The beauty was that the family became so close to my maternal people that my grandfather acted as the responsible head from their side, along with their eldest person in the marriage of their only daughter. So, to say as if the marriage was solemnized with full participation from my grandparents and their children. My grandfather used to call his friend by the nickname Lala Ji.
During this period from the early fifties till the late seventies- Lala-Ji had established himself so well that he was considered being one of the richest persons in Srinagar valley. He had constructed a beautiful House-(Kothi)in South Srinagar in the Gogji Bagh area opposite Amar Singh College. It had an enormous garden in the front with a very rare collection of various flowers and German Turf-grass-which gave an elegant look to the entire house from outside. During those days in the late seventies- I used to come to Srinagar in summers only during my summer vacations of the schools in Jammu-where I was studying. I still remember that we used to go to their house often since we were living nearby in the Jawahar Nagar area of Srinagar.
Once during my vacations in Srinagar-we were all invited for the dinner at Lala Ji’s place since his youngest son had come from America and he too wanted to meet my grandfather. That night, it was a memorable dinner party organized. We were all made to sit on the ground in a big room and in a Kashmiri style-the dinner was served. The cooks came one by one with their specialties and gave to each one sitting in a line, their specialty item on their plates. That scene was so enchanting and attractive that I would never forget the very sight of the same. Once we started eating the stuff-it was delicious and all the cooks were especially arranged from the “Kashmiri cuisine” of the top-notch hotel. That night we came very late from their residence and it became a memorable moment for all of us.
Likewise, many a time we used to go there, especially when there used to be some important function or some special people were called to their residence. One more such occasion was there during those vacation times. The Guru-Ji- of Anandpur Ashram at Madhya Pradesh–was specially invited from the MP-State with his disciples and he remained at their residence for almost a week. Every evening there used to be a small gathering culminating in prayers after the Guruji’s speech. I had gone with my aunty that evening and got the opportunity to meet that great Guruji in his room. The room was fully covered by his security people and some of the important people only could enter and meet the Guruji. That day, along with my aunty-I was lucky enough to interact with the great Guruji for almost half an hour. He had something very special about himself-which I cannot describe in simple words. But surely, he had something very magical about himself. Later when I came back to Jammu- I found so many people having his photograph in their Mandirs and realized that he had an immense following.
Many such occasions come to mind when I am reminded of Lala Ji. He too had a very special affinity for me, since he knew my grandfather had a special attachment to me as his daughter’s son. He took me one morning in his Mercedes to “Chowkibal,” an area that was his operational area for the forest contracts. There was a huge Havana organized by him, and the great Moni-Baba (of Guppabal) was called on that occasion. Once I reached there in the early morning, I realized that there was a vast crowd of hundreds of people, especially for the Moni Baba, and I took the prasad of that havan. I was tiny, around 15 years old, and I felt that special treatment was given to me since I had come all along with Lala Ji.
I have just, in a summarized form, mentioned that I enjoy this strong bond between the two friends as an offspring of the second generation. This clearly demonstrates how deep their understanding and friendship would have been between these two gentlemen. The interaction between the two families was so strong that all of his sons kept in touch with us. He had four sons and a daughter. His wife had already passed away. Two of his sons were settled in America and used to come to him very often, at least once every two years. The other two were in Srinagar. One of them was a military contractor, and the eldest one was called BDO and helped his father in his forest deals.
Finally, in the late seventies, my grandfather, who was serving as the head cashier in J&K Bank got retired and his friend- Lala Ji gave him a very strong proposal of business. He also after giving a cool thought to it agreed to do the business in which his eldest son became the equal partner with my grandfather. Therefore, all the formalities were met with and they finally opened a distribution shop for the pharma products in Kashmir. The name of the shop was coined by my grandfather-“Marigold Traders”. Thus, in the late seventies, this business started from the Old Silk factory Road-where my grandfather used to actively work in summers whereas during winter season he would come down to Jammu to us and spend his winters till Shivratri festival there in Jammu.
During this time, the friendship went even deeper and his daughter, who was settled in Bombay, too used to come over to our place to meet my grandparents. She used to call my grandmother her mother since she had lost her mother in the early phase of her life. Slowly and steadily, the second-generation kids came of marriageable age and in the early eighties, two of my cousin-sisters got married and it was during this period that my grandfather became seriously ill. He developed acute asthma and related problems and in July 1984; he passed away. That time I remember Lala Ji’s eldest son had come all the way to meet and console our family from Srinagar. Lala Ji could not come and immediately after some time he also breathed his last in Delhi-where they had shifted later.
Then came the real drastic changeover. The friendship between the two was alive and kicking till the time both of them were alive and in touch with each other. As the luck would have it the business which they had started together also started having setbacks since his son did not continue and from my grandfather’s side also there was no active partner since my grandmother naturally became the sleeping partner. The business slowly and steadily went down to the diminishing levels due to no direct involvement from my maternal uncle’s side who was the successor of the same. But the real fact is- till the time two friends were there -their friendship grew stronger and stronger and each one cared for one another without fail. They reached each other at every point in time and defined true friendship. Each one thinking always about the welfare of each other and missing no opportunity to show their loyalty of friendship.
A real friend accepts you as you are. Lala Ji encouraged my grandfather at every stage, although both of them were having different jobs. They didn’t get side-tracked by what others might say or think of them. Instead, they celebrated each other’s company whenever they met and they trusted & respected each other’s judgments.
Now let us compare the times when this friendship had occurred and the times now. If such a friendship happens nowadays-firstly it would not be possible at all because the self-centered outlook towards life and selfish gains has crept into each person’s psyche badly. Selfless and true friendship is one which stands by you always in adverse as well as happier days.
They used to be very clear in their words and deeds about where they stood for them. Second, despite the potential social repercussions, they didn’t just sit by passively when others tried to undermine their connection.
Without a doubt, can you picture a situation in the present day where a person who is self-centered and just cares about himself doesn’t even have the time to start what they termed “the friendship”?
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