The stereotypical idea of a ‘complete’ family in India has always been a mother, a father and two children. (Photo: Pixabay/Representational)
What is family? Is it the cousins you grew up playing with at grandparents’ homes but now see once in five years because life gets in the way? Or is it the neighbour you bonded with over two years of Covid, who came through at a terrible moment when no one else could?
Written by Leher Kala
September 4, 2022 4:20:13 am
In a verdict that held that a working woman cannot be denied her statutory right to maternity leave for her biological child just because she availed of it for her stepchild earlier, the Supreme Court made significant observations about changing family dynamics in India. The SC acknowledged that “atypical” families — single parents, unmarried partnerships and queer relationships — are deserving of protection under the law, and of benefits available under social welfare regulation. In a bench presided over by Justices D Y Chandrachud and A S Bopanna, the order noted, “The black letter of the law must not be relied upon to disadvantage families which are different from traditional ones. The same undoubtedly holds true for women who take on the role of motherhood in ways that may not find a place in popular imagination,” said Justice Chandrachud.
The stereotypical idea of a ‘complete’ family in India has always been a mother, a father and two children (ideally, a girl and a boy). Needless to say, this entrenched belief excludes a whole lot of citizens: singles, people with disabilities, divorcees and the entire LGBTQ community, who have simply accepted that it’s their lot in life to be treated like freaks. Growing up in the 90s, I’ve lost count of the number of people who would baulk in amazement when I’d tell them I don’t have siblings, so one can only imagine what somebody actually leading an alternative lifestyle is up against.
Perhaps, the enduring image of ‘family’ etched in our collective memories comes from the Hum Do Hamare Do population control campaign, plastered on the sides of buses and hoardings, all the way back when Mrs Gandhi was prime minister. Or, the fact that the joint family system (three generations living together) is still thriving. However, in our heads, it’s about time the definition of family was broadened to reflect modern realities, especially since legislation supports it: the apex court decriminalised homosexuality in 2018 and live-in couples in some states have legal rights.
What is family? Is it the cousins you grew up playing with at grandparents’ homes but now see once in five years because life gets in the way? Or is it the neighbour you bonded with over two years of Covid, who came through at a terrible moment when no one else could? Is it the colleagues you meet daily, or the buddies you make while you train together for marathons? For people who have moved cities for work, friends fill the space once occupied by siblings and may be just as important. As one gets older, a shared ancestry means nothing if that’s all there is in common.
A younger generation has made the startling discovery that the label of ‘family’ needn’t necessarily be limited to bonds of blood and sacrament (which in India, in any case, are contaminated by exhausting power differentials within the clan). It’s no surprise that young adults prefer the company of their contemporaries who wield no authority over them, whom they can meet as equals. That the Supreme Court recognises that deep connections can come after early missteps is important, even for those smugly ensconced in socially sanctioned relationships; because death and divorce can happen to anyone.
Postmodern sociologists have a more realistic approach to relationships and extend the concept of family to include anyone an individual feels close to, including pets. Let’s face it, the term ‘familial obligations’ came along because it’s questionable how much value long-lost relatives add to our lives. Besides, why should the people we gravitate towards naturally figure on a lesser plane? It’s interesting to note, two of the most memorable movies out of Bollywood, 3 Idiots and Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara are about best friends coming of age, with complicated parental relationships going on in the background. It’s a universal theme, rather fantasy, if only our family understood us like our friends.
The writer is director, Hutkay Films
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