37 YEARS OF TOGETHERNESS
Love • Patience • Partnership • Life
Today on 16 October, my wife and I complete 37 years of marriage. Looking back, I realise that the real story was never about perfect days. It was about staying together through all the imperfect ones.
Some dates are simply dates on a calendar.
And then there are dates that carry an entire lifetime.
For me, 16 October is one such date.
On 16 October 2026, my wife and I will complete 37 years of marriage and togetherness.
Thirty-seven years.
When I say it aloud, it sounds like a very long time. But when I look back, it feels as though the years have somehow passed in a hurry.
There were busy years.
There were difficult years.
There were years of professional pressure, children, responsibilities, travel and separation.
There were arguments.
There were compromises.
There were moments of laughter and moments of worry.
And there were countless ordinary days that, at the time, did not seem important at all.
Today, those ordinary days are perhaps the most precious memories we have.
Marriage begins with two different people
When two people get married, they do not suddenly become the same person.
They bring their own upbringing, habits, opinions, expectations and ways of looking at life.
Naturally, disagreements follow.
I experienced that reality too.
But there was something about my wife that I noticed almost immediately after our marriage.
I still remember seeing her join my mother in the household work on the very next morning.
It was a small thing.
There was no announcement.
No great gesture.
But I noticed it.
To me, it showed a willingness to adjust to a new family and a new environment.
Looking back after 37 years, I realise that such small qualities matter enormously in a marriage.
Our married life did not begin under one roof
Our first year was not exactly the conventional beginning to married life.
Immediately after our marriage, I was serving in Ludhiana while my wife continued working in Jammu.
So we spent almost the entire first year living apart.
In October 1990, we were both transferred to Delhi, and our life together finally became more settled.
But even then, the story had another interruption.
From 1996 to 2000, my work took me to Amritsar.
For four years, professional responsibilities once again meant that I was away from my family.
Today, communication is incredibly easy.
A WhatsApp message can reach someone instantly.
A video call can bring two people face to face.
But those were different times.
A delayed train, a missed telephone call or an unexpected change in travel plans could leave a family waiting without knowing what had happened.
My wife had to deal with such situations more than once.
And she did it with a patience that I appreciate much more today than I probably did at the time.
She carried more than I realised
Both of us were working.
So, theoretically, the responsibilities should have been equally divided.
But when I look back honestly, I have to give my wife enormous credit.
She carried a major part of the responsibility for our home and children.
There was a period when she was working while managing the children, including their care at the creche, almost single-handedly.
I was often away because of work.
My professional life involved travel, tours and responsibilities that could not simply be put aside.
She had her own job.
Yet the home had to function.
The children had to be looked after.
Life had to continue.
At that time, we were simply doing what needed to be done.
Today, with the benefit of hindsight, I realise how much she actually carried.
Some contributions are appreciated only when you look back at the life you built together.
We were never great anniversary celebrators
There is another amusing truth about our marriage.
We were never particularly good at celebrating anniversaries.
There were years when we might have gone out for a small dinner.
There were other years when the date simply passed.
Work was hectic.
The children had their schedules.
There were professional commitments.
There were household responsibilities.
And sometimes we would realise only afterwards that another anniversary had quietly come and gone.
Today, that makes me smile.
Because I now understand something that I did not understand when I was younger.
Life does not automatically create special moments for you. You have to make time for them.
We spend so many years telling ourselves:
When work becomes easier…
When the children grow up…
When things settle down…
When we have more time…
But that “more time” does not always arrive.
The years simply move on.
A marriage is not an agreement to agree
After 37 years, I can say one thing with certainty.
My wife and I do not agree on everything.
Far from it.
We have had our disagreements.
We have different opinions.
And occasionally, both of us can be extremely convinced that we are right.
There have been situations where I have had to give in.
And there have also been occasions when she has remained absolutely firm about her position.
Even on subjects where I thought my argument was perfectly logical!
Perhaps that is part of marriage.
You learn that being right is not always the most important thing.
Sometimes maintaining peace matters more.
Sometimes listening matters more.
Sometimes you simply have to accept that the person you love can look at the same situation and reach a completely different conclusion.
Marriage does not require two people to think alike. It requires two people to respect each other despite thinking differently.
Money is another test of partnership
Money is often described as one of the common sources of disagreement between couples.
Financial responsibilities certainly form an important part of family life.
In our case, my wife was herself an earning member of the family.
She contributed in her own way and managed her responsibilities without making unnecessary financial demands.
That independence has always been something I have respected.
A marriage is not simply about sharing emotions.
It is also about sharing responsibilities.
Household expenses.
Children.
Education.
Unexpected situations.
Future planning.
And eventually, retirement.
Over the years, we learnt to manage these things together.
Then there were the moments that tested patience
I remember one particular incident from our earlier years.
I was travelling back to Delhi by train and was expected to arrive in the evening.
But the train journey was disrupted.
The delay continued.
I could not reach Delhi that evening.
In fact, I could not even communicate properly with my wife for a considerable period.
I eventually reached the following morning.
Today, with instant communication available everywhere, such a situation would seem extraordinary.
At that time, it could happen.
I can only imagine what she must have gone through that night.
Concern.
Worry.
Uncertainty.
And yet, she managed the situation.
That ability to remain calm when circumstances become difficult has been one of her greatest strengths.
The years changed us
When we were younger, marriage meant building a family.
Then came careers.
Children.
School.
Professional responsibilities.
Financial commitments.
Household pressures.
Travel.
And the endless list of things that make up everyday life.
Now things are different.
We are both retired.
The children have grown up.
The professional race has ended.
There is more time to sit quietly and look back.
And that changes your understanding of marriage.
At this stage of life, companionship becomes even more important.
You begin to notice small things.
Whether the other person has eaten.
Whether they are comfortable.
Whether they are taking care of themselves.
Whether they need help.
Whether something is troubling them.
The romance of youth gradually becomes the care of companionship.
And there is something beautiful about that transformation.
We were never perfect—and that is perfectly fine
I would not describe our 37 years as a perfect marriage.
That would not be honest.
We have had happy times and unhappy times.
Agreement and disagreement.
Closeness and periods of separation.
Laughter and frustration.
There have been moments when work came between family time.
There have been moments when we probably should have communicated better.
But perhaps that is precisely what makes a long marriage real.
A marriage is not a collection of perfect photographs.
It is the entire album.
Some photographs are beautiful.
Some are ordinary.
Some are blurred.
Some remind you of difficult times.
But together, they tell your story.
What I understand today that I did not understand 37 years ago
If I could speak to the younger Ravi who got married 37 years ago, I would tell him something very simple:
Do not postpone happiness.
Do not assume there will always be another anniversary.
Another holiday.
Another weekend.
Another opportunity to sit together.
Work is important.
Careers matter.
Responsibilities matter.
But relationships also require time.
You have to deliberately create that time.
Because one day you will look back and realise that the years you thought were still ahead of you have already become memories.
And what about the two of us today?
We have changed.
Of course we have.
Age changes priorities.
Life changes expectations.
Health becomes more important.
Material possessions become less important.
Peace becomes more valuable.
And companionship becomes priceless.
My wife has also become increasingly caring about my wellbeing.
Perhaps that is what 37 years of knowing another person does.
You begin to understand their habits.
Their moods.
Their silences.
Their strengths.
Their weaknesses.
And sometimes, even before they say something, you know what they are thinking.
That familiarity is not boring.
After so many years, it is comforting.
Thirty-seven years later, I say thank you
So, on this 16th of October, I want to say something that perhaps I have not said often enough.
Thank you.
Thank you for the patience.
Thank you for the compromises.
Thank you for managing the family when I was away.
Thank you for raising our children during the years when I could not always be there.
Thank you for standing beside me through the professional pressures.
Thank you for managing difficult situations.
Thank you for disagreeing with me when you genuinely believed I was wrong.
And yes, thank you even for those arguments that I still believe I was right about!
After all, 37 years would have been rather boring if we had agreed on everything.
The real meaning of togetherness
Today, I no longer think of marriage simply as a relationship between a husband and wife.
I think of it as a long journey in which two people keep adapting to changing circumstances.
When life is difficult, they hold each other up.
When life is good, they enjoy it together.
When children need them, they become parents.
When careers demand sacrifices, they adjust.
When disagreements arise, they learn to move forward.
And when age arrives, they become each other’s support system.
That, perhaps, is the real meaning of togetherness.
Not that two people never disagree.
Not that every day is happy.
Not that life always goes according to plan.
But that after everything life throws at you, you are still sitting beside the same person.
37 years—and another chapter begins
So here we are.
37 years together.
We did not celebrate every anniversary.
We did not always have the time.
We did not always have the perfect circumstances.
But we built something far more valuable than a collection of anniversary celebrations.
We built a life.
A family.
A home.
A history.
And 37 years of memories.
As we enter another chapter, my wish is very simple.
May we have many more years together.
May those years bring good health, peace and contentment.
May we continue to laugh at each other’s quirks.
May we continue to disagree occasionally.
May we continue to care for each other.
And above all, may we continue to walk through whatever remains of this journey side by side.
Because after 37 years, I have learnt something I could never have understood on 16 October 1989:
The greatest achievement of a long marriage is not that you stayed together for so many years. It is that, after everything those years brought with them, you still want to wake up tomorrow and continue the journey together.
Happy 37th Anniversary to us.
— Ravi
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