Ravi Speaks:
Today, on the eve of my little sister’s birthday, I’m republishing an article I wrote about her a while ago. This will undoubtedly be appropriate for a birthday greeting from my end to hers.
My Little Sister
“Having a sister is like having a best friend, you can’t get rid of.” You know that whatever you do, they would still be there.”
“In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.”
“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves—a special kind of double.”
After all these years, I suddenly had certain recollections come to mind. The majority of these precious and special occasions involve my sister, who is nearly four and a half years younger than I am.
We were both brought up by our revered mother, who acted as a single parent. We had this realization right from the beginning of our schooling: we had to concentrate on our studies and get settled. When a child realizes how difficult it is for his single parent to raise his children alone, he develops this type of feeling. My mother, at a young age, had to leave her husband on a non-compatibility basis after six years of marriage. At the time of her taking this drastic step of separation, she already had two of us as additional challenges to her lonesome self. After a gap of almost a decade and a few more years, she again started studying because she was not a graduate even at that time. She started as a small teacher, and slowly and steadily, along with her children, she also completed her graduation and did her double master’s in English and Hindi linguistics. By the time my mother completed her master’s, my little sister had also joined the college and had become a big girl. This background was specially mentioned only to convey the atmosphere or the ‘situational circumstances” in which my little sister was brought up. At this point in 1982, I began a career in sales with Ludhiana HQ, literally leaving my home and being separated from both of them. Although my maternal uncle’s family also came from Srinagar, that created an atmosphere of a larger family, but my going away made both my sister and mother very lonely.
Normally, being the younger sister in a family comes with its own set of privileges. They are the pampered kid of the family and can get away with anything and everything. The elder brothers are always there to protect them and entertain their whims and fancies. Since they are able to collect a sizable sum from each of the family members and friends who earn a living, money is never an issue. They get all the special attention of the family. But here in our case, the atmosphere and the situations were all different, and the challenges were more pronounced, especially to live a successful life and give a befitting reply to the narrow-minded society in which we live.
So my little sister started concentrating more on her career and did her graduation; after that, she did law at Jammu University. She began practicing immediately and gradually built a reputation as a well-known advocate and oath commissioner. I used to meet both of them on the last day of the month for a day or so and then go back to my place of work. Consider the irony of events: I haven’t had the opportunity to settle down in my hometown since 1982. Now, of course, with the further developments and the children getting settled here in Delhi, there doesn’t seem to be a chance to go back.
This was the point at which I realized that my sister, at such a young age, had stepped into my parents’ shoes by sharing the mother’s burden and assisting each other very strongly financially. During this phase of my life, she was instrumental in finalizing a suitable match for me and, most importantly, managing the whole marriage preparations exclusively on her own with the help of my mother. I will never forget the time when she booked and arranged for the various wedding items and functions because the entire wedding was held in Jammu, my hometown. Even the people who were listed and invited for the massive function, which was a success, were entirely and solely her responsibility. What I wanted to convey is the unusual way in which she expressed her sisterhood with heavier responsibilities at a younger age. In normal brother-sister relations, such situational instances normally do not occur, and it is more or less the parents who carry out all such responsibilities.
In our case, I, being the elder brother, wanted to make sure she had everything, especially during that phase. But her stepping into elderly responsibilities to be taken care of, at that stage, placed her very high in my eyes. That’s what counts more than the brother-sister love here in our relationship, as per my way of thinking.
With time, say a few more years, my mother also started searching for a suitable match, and as luck would have it, she also got a very caring and affectionate man in her life. She also had to leave her legal practice, in which she had attained good popularity in the High Court as well as in her home town. But, because she was so active before marriage and such a successful advocate, she continued to work for various organizations as their legal advisor or in related positions for many years in her new home of Ahmedabad. Had she been continuing in her profession, where she had already cleared the “Munsif” and other related exams, she would have surely been at least a session judge by now. When I ask her about it, she simply says she’s had enough of it all, and she’s done an even tougher job of being a housekeeper and making sure her only child becomes something in his life. Her husband is well placed as the Vice President of a multinational company, and her only son is well settled in California-where she just spent last year. By the grace of God, she is thankful to the Almighty for all that happened later in her life. I feel that it was the hardship that she had seen in the early phases that made her very strong and successful. She learned certain lessons of life early, and I pray to God Almighty to give her all the pleasure, respect, and, above all, good health she needs to enjoy real life now.
I am reminded of Barbara-Alpert’s lines here, which are befitting in our case: – “Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, someone who sees you at your worst and best and still loves you. She’s your accomplice, your midnight companion, someone who can tell when you’re happy even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your press agent, and even your shrink. Some days, she’s the reason you wish you were an only child.
Still, whenever I consult her or am having any discussion with her regarding our various domestic matters or even on other general matters, she is very candid and crystal clear in her replies. At times, people might think that she has been very straightforward and has not been giving honey-wrapped answers. I like her for this quality, although I must admit that I also have a different type of fear in me: that if I did not agree with her or did not nod my head in affirmation to her suggestions, she might feel bad about it, more specifically coming from her brother.
I have seen very strong willpower in her right from the beginning, and at times I have wished to have the same in me. The best example is at the time of the unfortunate demise of my mother, who died accidentally while alone at the time. I was having a very strong feeling at that time that it would be very difficult for me to calm my sister once she reached Jammu at the time of the cremation. But I saw a different strong lady stepping into the parental shoes and not crying or making a ruckus. She and her husband performed all of the rituals with me and my wife so meticulously that I began to suspect that the parenthood component was much more filled in her than the other childhood and adulthood components, which are also present in any other human being in varying proportions depending on their level of maturity and age.
After looking at her different maturity levels and tolerance levels, I trust her more and have a good, healthy fear of her as well. Even if she at times becomes firm on her point of discussion, I normally tease her, saying, “Nobody can win from you since you are an advocate.” Her husband also has a master’s in law, and both of them suit each other very well, being from the same stream and having a deep understanding of each other. I have great reverence for him for the simple reason that he has stood by her through all the odds and set an example of a real successful couple in society with a very strong footing.
“You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts.” “You need her, as she needs you.” Somebody has said it is the real truth about the brother-sister relationship.
Today again, when the idea of jotting down a few lines about my little sister came to me, the following words came as true comfort to my “brief” scribbled here.
“There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me.”
Happy birthday to you, Rachna!
May God always bless you with profound happiness and good health.
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